Many more “Essential Programming Guides” that are not in the O RLY Parody Book Generator for Slack are at [WayBack] O RLY Books.
Related: [WayBack] generate (500×700)
–jeroen
Archive for the ‘T-Shirt quotes’ Category
Reddit: parodies on O RLY Books
Posted by jpluimers on 2019/01/02
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God is real unless declared integer,
Posted by jpluimers on 2018/09/07
Kristian Köhntopp commended:
GOD IS REAL UNLESS DECLARED INTEGER..
In some versions of Fortran, the default type of variables starting with I, J, K or L is integer, while other varianles are by default typed as real. The Fortran statement DECLARE can be used to explicitly declare a variables as being of a specific type.
The variable GOD stats with G and hence is implicitly real, unless you add an appropriate declare statement.
He reminded my of my FORTRAN 66 days at university when studying “computer usage for chemists”:
I remember a “computer usage for chemists” course during my studies where (end of the 1980s!) were supposed to program in FORTRAN 66.
Luckily the VAX/VMS machine supported a much more recent FORTRAN version and had support for 132 columns as well, which allowed me to indent properly (like I was used from my Pascal background).This tremendously helped me solve basically this problem:
- import tables with
- atom code, radius and valence (bonding count)
- atom1 code, atom2 code, minimum distance, maximum distance
- atom code, X/Y/Z coordinate
- determine which bonds can occur
- walk the bonds and determine the atomic structure, including cycle count
Especially the last one was easiest to solve with recursion, which FORTRAN does not support. So I wrote my own stack structure and solved the problem.
The student coach was mad when she found out I had printed the full documentation on continuous form paper which took the printer about half an hour for printing the ~100 pages.
Next morning, I had read it front-to-back and colour-indexed all the sections so it was far easier to find what the compiler could do for me. She could not believe I had done that.
All my co students were on a (non shielded!) 300 meter multiplexed serial connection with VT-120 emulators from PC’s with all sorts of connection problems.
I discovered a small room right above the VAX/VMS machine having a couple of terminals with direct connections that were hardly used. A few of them were VT-240 that had a session switch allowing for maximum 3 interactive sessions running at far higher priority than the compiler/linker batch queues provided.
This allowed me to perform quick release cycles of my project: 1 session for editing and inspecting logs, 1 session for compiling my last version, 1 session for linking the previously compiled version.
I was about the only student that delivered the project on time (:
Via: Archive.is Check out @chicaScientific’s Tweet: https://twitter.com/chicaScientific/statu… having
“Why did the integer drown?”
“Because he wasn’t a float”
–jeroen
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Etaoin shrdlu – via 5 Hole Paper Tape – Computerphile
Posted by jpluimers on 2018/01/29
Etaoin shrdlu (/ˈɛtiˌɔɪnˈʃɜrdluː/)[1] … is the approximate order of frequency of the 12 most commonly used letters in the English language.
via 5 Hole Paper Tape – Computerphile
Source: Etaoin shrdlu – Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
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What is thread safety anyway?
Posted by jpluimers on 2017/12/13
A nice article [Archive.is] What is thread safety anyway? with a kind reference to the Deadlock Empire translation from C# to Delphi that I made.
In any language, multi-threading is hard, so I really love the quote below:
[WayBack] Multithreading can be hard to do right. The most common point of failure is assuming some code is thread safe when it actually is not... – Dalija Prasnikar – Google+
It reminded me of an old one:
A programmer had a problem. He thought to himself, “I know, I’ll solve it with threads!”. has Now problems. two he
–jeroen
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Argumate — program languages “What if …”
Posted by jpluimers on 2017/11/02
Quoted in full because even 2.5 years later, it’s just too funny:
- Python: What if everything was a dict?
- Java: What if everything was an object?
- JavaScript: What if everything was a dict *and* an object?
- C: What if everything was a pointer?
- APL: What if everything was an array?
- Tcl: What if everything was a string?
- Prolog: What if everything was a term?
- LISP: What if everything was a pair?
- Scheme: What if everything was a function?
- Haskell: What if everything was a monad?
- Assembly: What if everything was a register?
- Coq: What if everything was a type/proposition?
- COBOL: WHAT IF EVERYTHING WAS UPPERCASE?
- C#: What if everything was like Java, but different?
- Ruby: What if everything was monkey patched?
- Pascal: BEGIN What if everything was structured? END
- C++: What if we added everything to the language?
- C++11: What if we forgot to stop adding stuff?
- Rust: What if garbage collection didn’t exist?
- Go: What if we tried designing C a second time?
- Perl: What if shell, sed, and awk were one language?
- Perl6: What if we took the joke too far?
- PHP: What if we wanted to make SQL injection easier?
- VB: What if we wanted to allow anyone to program?
- VB.NET: What if we wanted to stop them again?
- Forth: What if everything was a stack?
- ColorForth: What if the stack was green?
- PostScript: What if everything was printed at 600dpi?
- XSLT: What if everything was an XML element?
- Make: What if everything was a dependency?
- m4: What if everything was incomprehensibly quoted?
- Scala: What if Haskell ran on the JVM?
- Clojure: What if LISP ran on the JVM?
- Lua: What if game developers got tired of C++?
- Mathematica: What if Stephen Wolfram invented everything?
- Malbolge: What if there is no god?
–jeroen
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